one, please

Please forgive me, but I have something I'd like to spew forth unto this blog and it has very little to do with Peace Corps or Romania. It has to do with interacting with people and how I often suck at it, but so do other people. One thing I have tried very hard to do ever since high school has been to appreciate what a person knows instead of questioning and focusing on what they do not know. For whatever reason, people often find it invigorating to discover that they know something somebody else does not, which is fine, but then they feel the need to rub their little one-up in the unknowing person's face. One of my least favorite questions on the planet is "you didn't know that?" (topped only by "a table for just one?").

Sample conversation:
Person A: "I took the LSATs this afternoon, man was that rough."
Person B: "The LSATs? What are the LSATs?"
Person A: "It's like the GREs, but for law students...you didn't know that?"

From this point, there are only two responses Person B can logically give: 1. No, I did not know that. That is why I asked; and 2. Actually, I knew that, just messing with ya. Or they can attempt to ignore the condescending question and move on to another topic or, if their pride is strongly intact, they can continue asking questions about the LSATs, but are probably less motivated to inquire as fully as they'd like. It's unnecessary and it stops the flow of conversation.

Sample conversation without condescending question:
Person A: "I took the LSATs this afternoon, man was that rough."
Person B: "The LSATs? What are the LSATs?"
Person A: "It's like the GREs, but for law students."
Person B: "Interesting, I didn't realize they had a separate test. Did you have to study?"
Person A: "Yeah, alot. It was a tough test, but if I make it into law school, it'll be worth it."
Person B: "Cool...what kind of law do you want to study?"
And the conversation continues, pleasantly, while the two sip hot chocolate with the sun slowly setting in the background.

My main beef with the question is that it implies the questionee is suddenly inferior to the questioner simply because they don't know the same information. Nobody knows the same information, that's what's so awesome about this world. I know alot about cookies. I'd love to share that information with you and it's totally cool if you know nothing about cookies. Actually, I think it's more fun that way. You know alot about German Shepherds and I certainly wouldn't mind hearing a good German Shepherd story or two, especially if you don't think it's odd that I know nothing about the breed, other than its obvious country of origin. Conversation is supposed to be about information exchange, right? Then where did that aggravating question come from and why is it so commonly used? The only answer I can come up with is to subtly one-up somebody. It's subtle because making a person admit to their own lack of knowledge is a little less obvious than telling them "I can not believe you do not know this", and maybe it makes them feel like they've just gained a touch more power in this power-hungry world without openly hurting any feelings. Wrong. I'm not going to pretend that I've never asked it. I clearly remember working in a cookie shop, talking about music with another employee, mentioning Miles Davis, and being so shocked that she had never heard of Miles Davis that I let a variation of the damn question slip. "You don't know who Miles Davis is?" She handled it well, a simple "no", and the conversation moved on, but I remember feeling awful afterward. Maybe the conversation could have led to a new musical discovery for her, but instead I simply made her feel dumb and, like I mentioned, this is something I've worked on since highschool because I am very familiar with how stupid that question makes me feel. I don't want to do that to others, even if they could care less.

Now. I am not writing this to make every person out there who has ever asked "you didn't know that?" feel bad about themselves or that I'd criticize and secretly dislike them simply because they say it. It's an automatic response for many people when somebody doesn't know something, more like a filler than a cheap shot, but it still gets my goat every time I hear it. Then again people don't view conversation the same way I do. I think I dwell on it a little too much, hence the table for one.