For one day last week, a student that I hadn't seen in over a month returned to class. She was here for the first two weeks, then just disappeared. For some reason, the main thing I remember about her is the way she held her coffee cup. Very few people here carry travel mugs around, so it stuck out to me. Something different, unique, akin to my own coffee habits. During class, she'd hold it with her left hand curled absentmindedly around it, as if she was so absorbed in whatever she was reading or writing that she forgot the mug was there, yet couldn't let it go. Like it was a part of her. Slowly savoring and draining its contents throughout class. For two weeks, she and her mug were a part of class that I liked. Then she and beloved mug disappeared. When she returned last week, I almost didn't recognize her. Her head was covered with a scarf. Her clothing was traditional and conservative. Her demeanor was obedient and small. She said hello to me and sat down at her old desk and took out her pen and paper. Her coffee mug was gone. I stammered out a hello and before the other students arrived, I carefully told her that she had failed because she had missed so much class. I know, she said. I just want to learn. To improve myself. Her hand twitched emptily on the desk and her smile stretched a little too far. This is not me, I could hear her thinking. This is what I've been told to be. This is what my father asked me to be, what my mother wants me to be, what the government thinks I should be. So just let me be.
I let her be. As the other students arrived, they gave her pitying glances and spoke to her in hushed tones. I tried to give her all of the handouts she had missed and tried, in 10 minutes, to teach her how to write a 5 paragraph essay, and explain how to do the book report so she could catch up. She tried, at first, but by the end of class was doodling pictures on the handouts. Her left hand still empty, still twitching. After class, she gathered up her things, smiled and said see you tomorrow, and never returned.
If only we could all just drink our coffee and have our dreams and never feel wrong about any of it.
3 comments:
Wow, Erin, very powerful. I teach World Regional Geography and am currently covering the SW Asia region. May I share this with my students to give them another perspective of college culture. It would certainly spur conversation in my class. Do you get the impression that this happens often, or is it hard to tell? If you want to provide other details of your students as compared to students in the US, please do! I enjoy your insights into what obviously Is not an easy situation. Thank you!
Btw, I'm Gretel's sister and have been following your blog for years.
My heart aches. Love, Mom
Hi Melody, I remember you :) Thanks for sticking with me for so long. And feel free to share anything here with your students. I'm thrilled that any of this might prove even remotely interesting to them. This is the only occurrence that I have witnessed of a student going through such a change, but I'm sure it happens elsewhere. It's a tumultuous time here, and I think the young people probably feel the most pressure to either follow along or fight back. Thanks for your comment and questions :)
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