Flip Flop

Back when John Kerry was running for president, whenever that was, I remember people criticizing him for flip flopping. I remember people saying that you couldn't trust somebody who changed their mind on serious issues. It's a sign of weakness. A strong person would stick with their beliefs solidly.

I think about that and John Kerry every time I feel my ideas and beliefs morphing into something new, changing and altering. All political views and whatnot aside, I really liked that John Kerry changed his mind. I liked that he collected information, thought about whatever issue it was, listened to both sides, took time to roll things over in his head, and was strong enough as a person to let the change happen and to see the world from a different angle. I don't remember what the issue was, but I do remember that he had the courage to change. A mind that changes is, to me, a mind that thinks. One that takes in data and input and does stuff with it to make a fairer judgement of the world around them.

I use this idea and my appreciation for John Kerry's changing mind to calm myself when I don't understand what is happening in my own head. There was a time in high school when I considered myself an atheist and being religious was a sign of stupidity and religious people would only try to change me. Obviously and thankfully, those beliefs have significantly softened over time and it makes me sad to think about the conversations and friends I didn't have due to the strict labels that I applied to myself and others. But I grew up a little bit, met some great people, and my mind started to change.

Believing in science is easy. I can look at the stars and track their movements and wave at their distant twinkles. I can dream about Voyager 1 and feel a chill at the thought of it entering interstellar space. I can read books about evolution and listen to stories about apes that learned to talk. I can feel fascination towards the changing colors of the fall leaves and get engrossed in a two-hour long internet search about photosynthesis. I'll always believe in science and think scientifically and want a clear, scientific explanation for everything. Science is comforting in its ability to be observed.

But I've seen the ancient, marble lined floor of the cell where parts of the bible were written. I'm living in a place not far from where Mary once slept. These places carry such memory and weight. Religion feels like it's throbbing out of every patch of land and these stories that I've grown to appreciate as stories are starting to seem possible and true and utterly confusing. I don't understand any of it and the more I learn, the more complex it seems, yet also the more plausible.

I'm realizing now that I want to understand religion because it's hard. It takes work and imagination and trust to really believe a story, but how could I not at least try when living somewhere that continuously provides support for it? I think I'll say that I'm still comfortably agnostic, but I've never felt so open to religion before and I kind of like the feeling. Like a large, heavy door finally being pushed open. I'd like to think that John Kerry would understand the feeling and offer his flip flop support. Even though he really has nothing to do with this, other than reminding me that it's okay to change one's mind.

I've got so much to read and learn.