Observing

I say very little these days. Not that I've ever said much, but each day it becomes more apparent that there's nothing I can add that hasn't been added before. Teaching's thrilling and tiring. Students are wonderful and difficult. Our brains are getting smarter and dumber. The ocean's getting trashed while we research how we're trashing it. Religion causes problems and soothes problems. Authors write good and bad and interesting books and new music pulses out of every corner and the cheese is amazing and the beer is bland, but I don't like beer that much anyways. Do you?

I've always wondered how people who are good at talking and getting others to talk choose what to say. Of all the questions and topics and intriguing tidbits to say to someone, how do you choose? How do you choose the one or two things that will lead to anything new for either of you, or at least lead to a connection and a good conversation and a better understanding of who that person is? Other people are mysterious planets to me and one of the few ways of trying to understand them is by talking. Conversing. It's such a basic, daily ritual that I've never really thought about until now. Now that it's slipping further and further from my comprehension, along with the words that I've stopped saying because they feel pointless. It seems to be making me an outsider against my will, but in some ways I'm okay with that. I've almost always preferred observing over participating.

Though I do miss feeling close to anyone.