Thursday, November 19, 2009

The Daily Battle

If you could eliminate the biggest source of stress from your life, how would your life be different?

A while ago, I heard about a couple of volunteers who received a score of Superior on their language tests at Mid Service Training. Superior is the highest ranking you can get, indicating a nearly undetectable accent, impeccable grammar, huge vocabulary and the ability to understand everything said in a natural, free flowing and rapid conversation. All of this at MST, the half way mark of service. As I keep my goal set high on a score of Advanced Low for my Close of Service test three months from now, I can't help but wonder what it must be like for those volunteers. How different my daily life would be if I didn't have to plan phone call conversations in my head before dialing, if I didn't have to use Google Translate on a daily basis, if I could understand every single conversation going on around me, if I could converse naturally with my coworkers, if I could confidently go into every store knowing the terms for exactly what I wanted, if I didn't have to rely on an English explanation for all the "advanced" stuff. What would the difficult part of my day be, then, if I could do all of these things? If I could eliminate the stress of sucking at both Romanian and Hungarian from my life, what other worries and inadequacies would occupy my mind? I can't even imagine anymore what it would be like to live in a foreign country and speak the local language fluently. I used to think it'd be simple. "How can you live in a country for two years and not learn the local language? That's ridiculous." My, how wrong I was. Why can't my daily battle be negotiating fair vegetable prices at the piatza instead of trying to remember the word for pumpkin? After a year and a half, I feel suddenly anxious to have this nagging worry out of my life. I wish I could eliminate it by being at the Superior level, but it seems that I am mentally incapable of accomplishing that. For shame.

I'm gonna go eat a slice of carrot cake now. Phooey.

3 comments:

Alex said...

Insightful! My Spanish is pretty good and I'm probably about to be sent to Latin America, maybe I'll get to see firsthand how weird it is to be in a foreign country and speak the language. I hadn't thought about this before, but I guess in some ways not speaking the language insulates you.

Anonymous said...

i hear you....
but i do think you are being way too hard on yourself.
it seems to me everyones experience is different and it is layered and complex - language is but one part....i totally admire what you are doing -
i think for me - spanish, german, french would be eaier and more familial (sp?)...i have taken spanish 1 at least three times....i do think emersion would really only be the way i could learn. thanks for your thought, words & blog
peace
leigh
(cousin)

Margery said...

I forgot to mention when we skyped that the lady who cuts my hair was from Germany. When she heard you had learned to communicate in Romanian (Erin I was there and you communicate great)she said that is one of the hardest languages and when I mentioned you had to deal with Hungarian too she said that is an impossible language to learn. You are way too hard on yourself. Love, Mom & Ozzie