Over the past year, I've been bottling up my homesickness into a small chamber located a little above my stomach and a touch below my heart. It's a decent sized chamber that has been able to hold quite a lot of the tar-like homesick goo, but it has recently reached its limit and has begun to overflow. At first, the goo seeped from the bloated walls of the chamber slowly, releasing its toxins into my chest cavity at a manageable rate. At a rate that allowed me to press it down and to the side, into a place where I could digest it when the lights went out and no one could see the goo seep from my eyes. But it seems to be overflowing at a faster rate now, poisoning my stomach and piercing my heart and pressing against my throat. And it no longer always waits until dark to seep. I hope that either the chamber bucks up and increases its capacity or the goo cuts me some slack soon because I like it here and I want to make it here and I don't want to be a failure.
But I no longer feel like me.
4 comments:
It is very hard being in a different part of the world than your family and friends isn't it. It makes me feel very lonely to know that it takes 15 hours of flying just to be in the same country as my family. I really do like New Zealand and there is still so much I want to see and do. But there is so much that I miss about home that makes me sad. It can be tiny things that set me off too, like not being able to find the food I want at any store. I am very lucky that I have Pete here with me. You are incredibly strong to be doing this all by yourself and I am very proud of you.
I have had times when I don't want to be here any more and just want a change. I remember my last year of High School and wanted to get off the farm sooooooooo bad. When I got to college I was soooooooooo homesick I almost didn't stick it out. I'm not sure if that is what you are feeling but I remember crying a lot too. Now I think about how lucky I was to grow up on a farm and experience all it had to offer even though some of the time I didn't appreciate it. I love you very much and think of you so often. What you are doing is such a wonderful experience but being so far from home it is only natural to feel lonely and lost at times. Love, Mom & Ozzie
Miss you, too!
Skype tomorrow noonish? (Wednesday) It's short notice, but I'll check my email many times to see if you are interested!
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