Silly Memories

If I had to select the day that was the most terrifying of all my days in the peace corps so far, it would be this day one year ago. In fact, I'll tell you the exact moment. I am standing on a curb with my new gazda mother, waiting for our taxi to arrive. A few straggling trainees are shoving their over-sized bags into the trunks of family cars, cramming themselves into tiny spots in the back seats, and one by one are being swept away to new destinations while I watch their faces disappear out of the back windows. My brand new safety net of friends is dissolving and disintegrating all around me and I'm still standing on the corner with a complete stranger, no taxi in sight. Minutes pass and the visible level of exasperation on my gazda's face increases, though her words make absolutely no sense. Just keep smiling and shrugging. Smiling and shrugging. Finally, the last car load of familiarity goes by. The staff car. The people who are supposed to wait around until everyone is taken care of has given up and is driving back to Bucharest. The guy in the passenger seat waves at me as they go by, with a look of "It'll be ok, just keep smiling" on his face. I feel my eye lids swell with tears as their tail lights disappear and the car is put into motion, heading away from where I am standing, diluting the comforting wave and the friendly look. I am standing alone with a stranger on a busy corner, every possession I brought from the states is somehow attached to me, like ridiculous, poorly planned and painful appendages, barely keeping balance and now choking back unwanted tears while the gravity of what I have done begins to sink in. I am terrified.

A few hours later, after the taxi finally arrived and my gazda mom picked up my heaviest bag on her own and hoisted it into the trunk, after I took off my shoes and put on my first pair of papuci, after we reeled all my luggage into my room and I unpacked and she gave me a tour of the house, after she took out pictures of her granddaughter and pulled down her English dictionaries and showed me the mementos of her dead husband, after her face lit up with delight as I gave her a hand made sock puppy from Reno and a deck of playing cards from Tahoe, after all that, we sat down at the kitchen table to share a plate of cakes and some coffee and the terror of two hours ago was nothing but a silly memory.